My, how church names have changed! New churches are no longer adopting old standards like First Baptist Church or Second Street Christian Reformed. Oh no, we’ve moved on. We’re cRe-aTIvE now. We’ve progressed!…or have we? Here is a list of actual church names that I shared at Mosaic yesterday that are sure to make you wonder and give you a good laugh to kick off your week. Enjoy!
- Flippin Church of God – Flippin, AR (Be sure to stretch well before you come.)
- Accident Baptist Church (Something tells me they’re not Calvinist.)
- First Church of the Last Chance World on Fire Revival and Military Academy – Dade City, FL (We promise we’re not a cult.)
- Greater Second Baptist Church – Chattanooga, TN (We’re like Second Baptist Church, only better.)
- Halfway Baptist Church (Because, honestly, who wants to go ALL the way?)
- Hell Hole Swamp Baptist Church – SC (It’s lovely this time of year.)
- Faith Free Lutheran
- Little Hope Baptist Church (So you’re telling me there’s a chance!)
- No Hope United Methodist Church (Makes me feel warm and fuzzy just sayin it.)
- Original Church of God, Number 2 (Bahahaha.)
- Boring Seventh Day Adventist Church (The only thing better than the name is the fact that the pastor’s name is Elder Dull. You can’t make this stuff up.)
- Harmony Baptist Church (Only a 1/2 a mile away from…)
- Harmony Baptist Church #2 (Apparently, not so harmonious after all.)
- Battle Ground Baptist Church (Welcome to the club.)
- Waterproof Baptist Church – LA (Think about it.)
- Country Club Christian Church – KC (Look for one in a city near you!)
- James Bond United Community Church – Toronto (xxxx)
- First United Separated Baptist Church – IN (Bahahahah)
- Hell Seventh Day Adventist Church – Hell, MI
- Lover’s Lane Episcopal Church (You’ve got to visit our killer single’s ministry!)
- Mary, Queen of the Universe Church – FL
- The New Aggressive Church of Deliverance – Durham, NC (Oh, you WILL be delivered!)
- Strange Methodist Church – Eros, LA
- Burnout Baptist Church – AL (Something tells me they’re a glass is “half empty” sort of community.)
- Bare Methodist Church – UK (Yes, they actually do have a ladies choir.)
- International Church of Cults, UK (Don’t forget to wear gray this Sunday! Punch not provided.)
- Passion City (Not to be confused with the adult superstore off I-29)
- Carpenter’s Shed (Why not? Everyone already knows you’re a tool.)
- Sandals (New members get all-expense paid trip to Figi.)
- Spread Church (I will not write something dirty, I will not write something dirty…)
- St. Martini Lutheran Church (My favorite saint. The only church where the pastor sounds and looks better as the service goes on.)
- Hell For Certain - KT (“Go ahead, invite a friend – tell them you’re going to Hell for Certain and they should come!)
